'People' Magazine's 'Most Eligible Terrorist Bachelors in 2010'

Move over George Clooney - there's an explosive new group of eligible bachelors in town and they're ready to blow things up in the new year! We've combed the sands of the Middle East in our search for Sexy and you won't believe what we've found.  So put down those personals and feast your eyes on 'People' Magazine's 'Most Eligible Terrorist Bachelors In 2010':


NUMBER 7:

Name: Omar Ak-Salimi
Age: 37
Occupation: Terrorist
Kills: 14
Beard Length: 8 1/2 inches
Favorite Musician: "I hate that I always forget his name, but the guy who sings background for Sting on the song 'Desert Rose'."
Favorite Pick Up Line: "Your father must have been a camel herder because you have two of the most lovely burka humps I've ever seen!"
Turn-Offs:  "Women who take themselves too seriously and Christians."
What 'People' Has To Say: "Think Mohammed Atta meets Johnny Depp... with a beard.  Yummy!"

NUMBER SIX:

Name: Faruk Al-Saleema
Age: 33
Occupation: Terrorist
Kills: 17
Beard Length: 2 inches
Favorite Movie: "Not Without My Daughter - JK:)  Probably 'Titanic'"
Worst Date Ever: "I took her out for Sushi and it turned out she was allergic to yellow tail.  My horse smelled like vomit for at least three weeks."
Turn Ons: "I like a tall woman with a big heart and kind eyes.  I also like very toned girls from Florida."
What 'People' Has To Say: "This hunk is hotter than Mecca in July - and every drop as sexy!"

NUMBER FIVE:

Name: Narsan Al-Rami

Age: 28

Occupation: Terrorist

Kills: 6

Beard Length: 5 inches

Favorite Athlete: Alla Abdulnabi (Basketball) and Tom Brady (Football)

New Year's Resolution: "To kill as many Americans as possible and lose five pounds."

If You Could Have Dinner With Three People: "Oh gosh, that's a tough one.  First I'd have to go with Osama Bin-Laden because that guy is, like, THE BOMB!  Next up, hmmm, maybe Jennifer Aniston because I love her movies but just can't figure out why she keeps getting dumped.  What's that all about?  The third person would be either Allah or Tom Brady because I'm pretty sure they both hate America as much as I do."

What 'People' Has To Say: "Two words - Cougar Bait!"

NUMBER FOUR:

Name: Ned Turner

Age: 42

Occupation: Terrorist

Kills: 28

Beard Length: 1 inch

Hometown: Dearborn, Michigan

Why He Chose Terrorism As A Career: "Growing up as a kid in Michigan, I always knew I wanted to kill for a living.  Sprinkle in the fact I absolutely HATE cold weather and presto - Terrorist!"

Favorite Part Of A Woman's Body: "You guessed it - I'm an ass man."

What 'People' Has To Say: "Don't let the name fool you, ladies - this cold-blooded killer is more Muslim than a drawer full of exploding underpants and just as dirty."

NUMBER THREE:

Name: Hassan Abu Tanabli

Age: 30

Occupation: Terrorist

Kills: 5

Beard Length: NA

Pet Peeves: "Standing in line behind old people when they order food at McDonalds.  Seriously, could they be more annoying?"

Favorite Band: Sixwire

Something People Would Be Surprised To Know About Me: "I currently have the third largest collection of 'Beanie Babies' in all of Yemen."

What 'People' Has To Say: "Hassan Abu Tanabli makes Orlando Bloom look like Wilford Brimley."

NUMBER TWO:

Name: Yuliqa Yufuqa

Age: 34

Occupation: Terrorist

Kills: 41

Beard Length: 3 inches

Current Crush: "Let's just say that Carrie gives me Underwood.  Am I right?"

If You Had To Be Naked With Another Man In A Hot Tub: "Jimmy Smits - hands down.  I would put my hands down Jimmy Smits."

Bucket List: "Kill at least nine more American citizens to make it an even fifty and then probably see the Great Wall of China or 'Rent' on Broadway."

What 'People' Has To Say: "Forget the quick wit and panty-melting smile - this guy is built like a Pakistani Yak and more intense than Ramadan with the In-Laws!"

NUMBER ONE:

Name: Tarq El-Abdullah

Age: 40

Occupation: Terrorist

Kills: 31

Beard Length: 1 inch

Favorite 'Golden Girl': "I'm a 'Rose' guy."

Favorite Book: "It's a toss up between 'The Lovely Bones' and the Qur'an.  Actually,  I'm giving the edge to the Qur'an because I recently saw 'The Lovely Bones' at the Cineplex and it just didn't live up to my expectations.  What in the world was Peter Jackson thinking wasting so much screen time on poor Susie's 'in-between' life?"

First Sexual Experience: "I was 25 and she was 9... in goat years - buh dump bump.  I love that joke!"

Why He Hates America: "How much time do you have?  JK!!!!"

What 'People' Has To Say: "Jihad me at Hello!"